


Not Okay

by Raineishida



Category: Mass Effect
Genre: Best Friend Garrus, F/M, Friendship, Hurt/Comfort, Post Thane's death, Renegade Commander Shepard, Shepard isn't handling this very well
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-27
Updated: 2016-01-27
Packaged: 2018-05-16 15:55:09
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 515
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5831656
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Raineishida/pseuds/Raineishida
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Thane died on the Citadel. Shepard hasn't really been the same since.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Not Okay

**Author's Note:**

> Renegade Shep/Thane is a damned MESS. It's ruining my life.
> 
> This is my first ME fic! ...Why is my first contribution to any fandom an emotional clusterfuck?

Garrus shifted nervously as he glanced at Shepard every few moments, between being on lookout.

Dr. Chakwas was on site, kneeling next to Shepard and stitching up a gunshot wound on her arm that Shepard hadn’t attended to in time with medigel. Shepard didn’t care about scars, as was evident on her face - her cybernetic implants were showing through her skin more and more each day. 

Garrus thought she looked like a ghoul. He was also sure that he was the only member of the crew who still looked her in the face.

Vega probably still teased her while picturing the memory of how beautiful Shepard _had_ been. Her beauty was a proud, hard kind of beauty. The face of a woman who was respected and had earned every ounce of it.

Since the death of Thane, Shepard hadn’t recovered well. The shadows under her eyes grew darker every day, her eyes glowing red in the dark. She was terrifying.

Garrus was surprised to see that Shepard had stripped to her tank top under her armor for Chakwas to stitch her up, basically inviting enemy gunfire. Even more surprising was what looked like an amulet around her neck. Shepard wasn’t superstitious. Still, around her neck hung a tiny glass vial...of ashes? No, couldn’t be.

“Out with it, Garrus.” She could feel Garrus’s eyes on her.

Garrus shifted again. “Shepard, I don’t mean to be insensitive.”

“Just say it.” Dead eyes. She knew what he was going to say.

“Are you wearing his ashes around your neck?”

Shepard’s head sank, a reaction Garrus hadn’t anticipated.

“Yeah, I am.” A beat. Chakwas wrapped Shepard’s arm in gauze, packed up and stepped away quickly, knowing this was a private conversation.

“And is there a problem with that?” Shepard breathed.

“No, Shepard, I-”

“You know, when I came back from the Citadel after he died, after the whole mess with Udina, I expected sympathy from someone. I expected one of you to ask me if I was okay, but no, you all wanted to talk about Ash!” Shepard stood and Garrus braced himself. She was smaller than him, but she was terrifying when she was angry. He didn’t know what to expect. She might punch him.

“I’m _not_ okay,” she hissed. “I know that shows on my face and I’m glad. I want you all to see what this war does to someone. I want you all to understand how I’m dealing with this.”

“Shepard, he-”

“Don’t.” Shepard pulled her chest armor back into place and fastened it with the press of a button. “Don’t talk about him. Vega won’t ask because he’s scared of me, but I expected better from _you_ , Garrus. You’re all I have, and I expected better from you.”

“I’m sorry, Shepard,” he murmured. “He was a good man.”

Shepard’s shoulders sagged. “Better than all of us.”

“He loved you.”

Shepard nodded sadly and drew in a deep breath. Squaring her shoulders, she picked her gun up off the seat and looked up at him. Back to regular Commander Shepard, vulnerability over. 

“Let’s go.”

\--


End file.
